Eden slowly moved into position, stretching me as far as I could stretch, moving my hips and pelvis to fit around her. It sure did last a month, and every day I swore she could not go any further down or she would fall out.
Her head had been down since I was about 6 months along, her feet up in my ribs and her little butt poking out of my right side.
She was extremely active and fun the last week. Our birth plan for comfort care was complete by then, family was in town, and it was a relaxing end to my pregnancy. I'll never forget how blissful it was to not do anything but feel her move!
We didn't announce my induction date because we wanted private moments with no pressure to share- Facebook knows everything too fast these days! But when I was 36 weeks, we planned for my induction to be June 25th (39+4) so that we could give family a date to be here, and so that I could definitely be with my midwife.
I went in on the 24th to be checked for progress. My midwife who'd worked with us since I was 24 weeks, Major Radmer (Heidi), finally said "she's down there, definitely dropped!"
However, I was still barely 2 cm dilated and it looked to be a long induction. So, Heidi told me to go into L&D that evening to be given a foley bulb catheter, which would help with dilation.
As a pre-baby celebration, my dad took us all out to dinner at Red Lobster so I could have crab legs. This is also a tradition, since my mom ate crab legs right before she had all of us, too. Now Ryan is in for it because I'm gonna need to make sure I have them every time.
Ryan and my mom took me to the hospital that night, where the doctors spent two hours trying to place the bulb. No one warned me that it would be so painful! At 10:00 p.m., it was placed and we were headed home with an Ambien in a brown bag to help me sleep. I was to return to L&D at 9:30 the next morning to be induced. Heidi would be on the night shift, so she would be there to help us meet Eden when the time came.
When we made it home I was cramping but not quite contracting. I'd heard that pineapple sent women into labor so while I showered Ryan cut and grilled some slices of fresh pineapple for me. I took the Ambien and ate the fruit, then laid down. But, I didn't sleep! Perhaps thirty minutes altogether. The Ambien did make me loopy...but between my nerves and the pain of the bulb, rest didn't come. At around 4 am I was timing contractions to be three minutes apart, lasting 30 seconds a piece. I called the unit, and the nurse said if the bulb hadn't come out then I wasn't dilated enough to rush in. "Take it easy, honey, we will see you in a few hours." I worried that I'd give birth right in my bedroom! I was up and down the entire night, just so anxious about what was to come.
I could finally start waking everyone else up at 7:00 on June 25th. Poor Ryan slept about as much as I did, because I whined. I picked up my phone to see that people already knew what was going on that day, Facebook had exploded! While we were initially frustrated, we were more thankful for the encouragement and support that poured out over us that morning, especially after a rough night. We got ready for the day, double checked to make sure we had everything, and zipped up our hospital bag. We said goodbye to my dad, brother, sister, and Ryan's mom. They'd all be at the hospital too around lunch time. Momma came with us, and we rode in Ryan's mustang back to the hospital (my car had more room for the rest of our family). I kept joking that I felt like Novalee Nation, that I should have been on the way to have a baby in Walmart instead of Evans Army Community Hospitals Labor & Delivery Unit. So fun.
We checked in at 9:15, and we were taken back to the room reserved especially for us. It was at the very front of the unit, separate from most of the other rooms. We would never have to pass the nursery, or hear too much from other mother/baby rooms. Our people could enter and exit the unit through other double doors without going through the nurse's station. There was a sign placed on the door for us. It had a leaf with a teardrop, indicating that our birth was a loss and comfort care situation- dietary, custodial, other extraneous staff would not be entering. All of my nurses would be solely mine as well. The room was very big, there was plenty of room for all of our people and three big windows for a little natural light.
The charge nurse had me change, then said they would be in shortly to insert my IV and start the Pitocin. When she left, I used the opportunity to formally let our friends and family on social media know that I was being induced. My best friend Jenae had a list of people to shoot text updates to, and once I let her know I was there, she let them all know too.
There was a bird on the windowsill, who kept showing off to Ryan and Momma. He was so friendly. Ryan pulled out the camera, and this bird actually loved it! He posed for pictures, almost smiling it seemed. He was cheery, it made me cheery.
The nurses and the day's midwife, Katherine, came to take the bulb out- it dilated my cervix to 3 cm! It was about 11:30 a.m. when my IV was finally inserted and Pitocin was started. My day nurse, Nikki, asked how much monitoring we'd like of Eden's heartbeat. I asked for a twenty minute strip, so I laid down on the bed and we were monitored for twenty minutes. Her heartbeat was up and down, and she was so bouncy. She was excited too! Nikki tore the strip and gave it to Ryan to put away, then took the monitors off of me so I could labor in peace. She went to find me a yoga ball to bounce on if the mood struck me.
Ryan's chaplain, Captain Conway (Marta), came in to visit quickly. She would be back to perform Eden's dedication closer to time. Then the rest of our family arrived. Then, Jenae left school early to come and sit too. She didn't show up emptied handed, there was a bag in her hand holding rum for Ryan and wine for me!
We all talked for a while, I bounced on the ball, everyone took turns going downstairs to eat Arby's (they were all really courteous not eating in front of me even when I said it was fine). I had Ryan bring me about 5 cups of beef broth, I never thought I could enjoy broth so much. The day seemed to pass quickly. Eric, Jenae's husband, had also joined us. At about 5:00, Katherine came to check my progress. I was almost 6 cm, which seemed to be going pretty fast to me. The contractions were not awful, but I did want the epidural before things got crazy- at this rate I was expecting a baby by midnight! So I told them I was ready for the epidural and Nikki sent for the anesthesiologist. He came in, administered the drug, and then I had to lie down of course. My contractions also had to be monitored by the computer after this.
Then, Jenae sent out an update as I texted both Marta and our NILMDTS photographer, Rebekah. Rebekah came right away and started setting up. She plugged in her diffuser and let some oils soothe all the nerves in the room. She started taking pictures then too.
Heidi came on at 7:00. I was so relieved to see her but things also became very real. She'd be delivering my daughter this time! My new nurse, Lucy, also came on duty at this time.
Around 8:00, I think it was my dad, brother, and Eric that made the food run to Jimmy Johns. This time I was jealous as everyone took turns going downstairs to eat. I wanted a sub SO bad!
I was checked again at 9:00, 7 cm. Heidi said it was time to break my water and things would probably go pretty fast from there. So, I texted Marta again and she was on the way.
Because of Eden's CDH, I had polyhydramnios (or excess amniotic fluid). This is why I looked 40 weeks at only 30 weeks- my fluid was about 10 cm too much. Heidi only wanted to pinhole my water, let it slowly leak... but it didn't happen that way. It was like a collapsing dam in my delivery room- fluid going everywhere. It took Heidi, Lucy, Momma, and Ryan all by surprise. There weren't enough towels in my room alone! Me numb from the waist down, it was up to Ryan to pick me up and help them clean. Momma said there was standing water ON MY BED. All I could really do was watch my huge belly go down exponentially. Now, it was probably half the size.
Everyone who needed to be at the hospital was there by 10:00 p.m. We all talked and joked for a good while, but I was SO sleepy. I kept nodding off. I was checked at midnight: still 7 cm. Lucy came in to start rubbing my back, Jenae took over, then my mom. Things had certainly slowed. Around 1:00, I needed a refill on the epidural.
The room next to us was actually vacant because the computer didn't work, so it was opened for my family to go in. It became the nap place. My mom, Ryan's mom, my sister and brother all went back to our house for quick showers and came back. I started some serious napping. All of our people started napping too, wherever they could find a spot. I was checked at 2:00, 8 cm.
4:00 a.m., still 8 cm. I was feeling pretty bad for calling everyone to the hospital to wait all night. So we told Rebekah and Marta to head home if they needed to. Rebekah just went in the vacant room and passed out, Marta headed for the Army hotel down the street. I kept sleeping.
6:00 came and I was between 8 and 9 cm. It was breakfast time for everyone else. After they finished, I became very cold and very sick. I knew these were signs of it getting close to time, so I was glad for them. I couldn't be warmed by the 4 blankets on top of me. I threw up beef broth for about thirty minutes. Ryan didn't say it at the time, but he was sick too. My body, his nerves. I wasn't so numb anymore, the pressure was turning to pain. My contractions were very strong and I was trying not to moan through them and scare everyone away... didn't work. They all went to the vacant room to give me privacy.
When I was checked at 7:00, Heidi said I was still 9 cm. I started crying then. She said she'd be back at 8:00 instead of waiting two hours.
I believe I made it to 7:30 before I told Ryan he needed to go find her, I needed to push. He did as he was commanded. Heidi came in and after checking asked me, "are you ready?" Ryan called the chaplain back, then he and Momma came to either side of me. Rebekah got behind me.
I began pushing at about 8:15 a.m. Heidi should have been off an hour before then, but of course she stayed. Lucy'd had to leave though, and my new nurses were Roberta and Raquel.
There I was, no birthing classes, very little insight about "what to do", a nervous wreck ready and not ready to meet my baby. Pushing was painful, and I didn't expect that. I thought the epidural was going to ease that as well!
*I just want to say that there should be no shame in taking medicine to lessen excruciating pain. There's a social pedestal for "natural childbirth" that really bothers me (Does that make childbirth with pain medication "unnatural"? It's totally natural to me to take medicine for pain..). However you choose to birth your baby, or however you HAVE to birth your baby- whether that mean drugs or surgery or in a pool of cucumber water with a string quartet playing live in the room- it should be celebrated. My ONLY regret is getting the epidural so early and having to lie down for most of my labor.*
Ryan held one leg, Momma held another. About ten minutes into my pushing, Eden was crowning. I heard Ryan, "Oh, baby. Her head is right there!" And Momma, "You can see it! All of her hair!'"
My poor mom. I know I kicked her at least once in the chin, and I'm pretty sure I almost dislocated her shoulder. I grew extremely tired after an hour, I'm thinking she was relieved when I did.
One time Momma said, "look at the window. Your friend has returned." Sure enough, the bird was outside chirping and being a bit intrusive. I watched him for a while, he distracted me.
Ryan kept telling me to breathe. Not because that's what he'd seen on movies or because it was what he was "supposed" to say, because I actually kept forgetting to breathe. I loved him in these moments, and I hated him too. It was so easy for him to tell me what to do when I was the one actually having to do it.
In our birth plan, I'd specifically said that I would be refusing a cesarean even if it looked like Eden would pass in the birth canal. It was more important that I be present to hold her, because we knew she was going to pass. The only scenario in which we would have taken an emergency c-section would be if my life were in danger. And man, I thought my life was in danger. It's really crazy what a woman's body is designed to endure... I know now what it's capable of and I'm amazed.
I wasn't skipping pushing through contractions, though Heidi asked if I wanted to (she probably, most definitely need a break...I should mention that she was 36 weeks pregnant herself!). I was just basically passing out between them. I wasn't irate, just tired. I was ignoring everyone.
The nurses kept rooting for me. Roberta kept saying, "that is the way!" I was a good pusher. Raquel was swinging a wet rag with Rebekah's peppermint oil on it in my face. They'd rolled a mirror in front of me so I could see, but I wouldn't watch because no matter what she seemed to not be moving any further. They swore she was.
I really thought I couldn't do anymore. I looked at Heidi and said "Can you help me?"
She said, "Honey, I am helping you, but I can't do it for you."
Four or five contractions later, they had me reach down and feel. I touched the whole top of Eden's head. I remember looking at Ryan and smiling, as tears were beginning to roll down his cheeks. My mom said "Last push! Maybe. I think. I don't know!"
It was the last push to get her head out. Heidi had me pause. The pediatrician sprayed some medicine in her nose. Then, another final push. The rest of her body came with her head.
It was 10:40 a.m. on June 26, 2015. She was born to us here. She was on my chest. She was given more medicine for any pain she may have felt while on Earth. I realized she really did look like her father. My thought was, "Ryan is a really pretty girl."
Ryan was crying. Momma was crying. I was in shock.
Ryan cut her cord. Heidi showed him where he could feel her pulse in the part still attached to her. She told me there was no rush for the placenta if I was fine. I was fine. She left the room in tears.
Eden breathed a deep breath. The most magnificent breath I'll ever witness. Mom ran out to get our family, Jenae and Eric, and Marta.
They came in, Marta stood beside us and used Rose of Sharon to anoint Eden Olivia, then us. We dedicated her life back to the Lord. Everyone in the room prayed. Ryan took her for a few moments to let everyone kiss all three of us. Then everyone except Rebekah left my husband and I to be with our child.
She was in my arms again. I hummed to her, "You are my sunshine."
Ryan sat down beside us. He read "Guess How Much I Love You."
He held her again, and I watched him kiss her.
We told her that it was okay, and she could go. She never cried, she saved all of her energy for those breaths she kept taking.
I don't recall her last one, I just know it was in Ryan's arms. I just know it was too soon. I just know it didn't feel like forty minutes, it felt like a second.
And then it was 11:20 a.m. on June 26, 2015. She was born into Jesus's arms, a healthy and whole baby girl. We couldn't be parents more proud. She was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen and while I'll miss her every second of every day, I am so happy for her that she's breathing peacefully in Heaven.
