The message that tells us if something doesn't take our breath away or make us feel like we are fictional characters being passionately courted on a marble staircase, it is not worth our time.
It's not acceptable for a woman to place herself with a man who doesn't bring the firework stand to every conversation.
It's called "settling" if each interaction doesn't trigger the same rush of adrenaline as parachuting from a plane.
And it is mediocre if the excitement of loving the man you're with pales in comparison to the excitement the female heroine feels in romance novel written by (drum roll...) none other than a woman.
We expect too much.
I believe that Hollywood has made a big difference in how the modern woman experiences love. In our search for wild, crazy, and passionate we set ridiculous standards. So in order to reach us, our men attempt rising to these standards.
It will last for a moment. Probably long enough to marry and spend a few years in blissful ignorance... but most men are not capable of continuously jumping through impossible fiery hoops in order to prove their affections! If you or someone you know seems to be, there are secrets being kept. If flawless wooing is the norm after years together, you may need counseling.
Don't read me wrong.. At some points, a man's love should take your breath away. You deserve to feel it. I'll never forget the big, storybook romantic things that Ryan's done for me:
-A lovely bouquet of flowers when we were not together, bearing no card nor giveaway that they were from him...
-An air mattress in the bed of the truck to watch the sunset and a movie in the middle of a field (citronella candle still melted on that mattress)...
-A surprise drive from AL to SC just to spend 24 hours with me only one weekend after he'd moved there...
-An effort into giving me a necklace unique from all the other spouses' at flight school graduation...
-Gifts like a bicycle just because or new furniture for our anniversary...
These are a few. All of his grandest gestures are burned in my memory. The times he's gone above what he needed to just to make me feel special are important and I hold them dear. But they do not set the standard by which I gauge his love for me.
Hollywood's changed the standard for so many women. We only praise the most extraordinary measures taken now. YouTube is full of the extravagant proposal, competing for "likes". There are shows now dedicated to over the top dating. It's not enough to just go to dinner and a movie anymore, because on the latest episode he took her to drink champagne and play putt putt on an actual volcano.
We don't want love, we want the thrill of love. We don't want someone to walk through life with, we want someone who is chasing after us, walking through fire and trying to catch up. We are lonely until we have found the mind-blowing, sensational man. When he has used up all of his mind-blowing, sensational tricks we are lonely again and decide there must be better...moving on to another man forced to spit out all his best to impress.
It becomes a cycle where good men are thrown away, and then asked: "Where are all the good men?"
Or, we marry the thriller of a man and wonder why he becomes a boring one years down the road. He, too, has run out of amazing... or his amazing just couldn't compete with the amazing you keep dreaming up.
Instead, can we not just appreciate men for being good? For graceful leadership? For hard work? Can we not marvel at their simpleness and then also revel in their occasional grandness?
Can we begin to long for a clear man, who will tell you that he loves you, you knowing that may be the grandest gesture of the day? Can we become infatuated with quiet, straightforward, uncomplicated?
Not every story is meant to sound like Casablanca. Perhaps our story is meant to be effortless and invariable, steady as a heartbeat.
So here's to you, the simple man. May we turn from the burning glamour in knowledge that it all eventually burns out, and turn toward your quiet love, happy for a lifetime of smolder.
May we also never forget the small, mundane gestures you perform for us:
-Closing the bathroom door while getting ready for work in the mornings so the light doesn't wake me...
-Walking inside after a long day and noticing first thing that I've vacuumed...
-Your quiet marriage proposal in the living room between the Christmas tree and the couch, hand trembling as it rested on my pajama panted knee...
-Bringing home surprise treats like a Dr. Pepper or Japanese soup...
-Complimenting the dinner though you know it came from a box...
-Placing a screwdriver by the appliance I'm going to disassemble, you know I'll have trouble finding one...
-Backing my car out and back in the garage after yours is moved, making it easier for my pregnant belly to get in the door...
-Letting me lead the way on a hike, knowing it'll be us going in circles...
-Holding my hair back when I'm sick, leaving notes by crackers to make sure I eat...
-Calling to let me know you're thinking of me when you're away...
-Paying the bills before I can even think about them...
-Planning for date night without me having to ask for one...
-Kisses good morning, goodbye, hello, and good night...
May all of these things be burned in our memories as well, held just as dear as your grandness and celebrated just as loudly- if not louder. May these be the things that weaken our knees.
Thank you. You are simple. You are riveting.
